4. Don’t Push Her Limits – If I had to pick out the most critical responsibility that every Dom has toward a submissive, it would be to ensure that he creates an environment where she can grow in her submission. Growth in the lifestyle is best affected by helping her to push her limits and expand her boundaries. Especially with novice submissive women, quite often they come into the lifestyle with a veritable laundry list of limits both soft and hard, things she is either reluctant or simply unwilling to try. Many of those limits are due to lack of understanding, lack of confidence, lack of experience, or feeling intimidated by the very thought of trying some activities. Since D/s is always consensual, limits must always be respected. A submissive should never be coerced or forced to participate in an activity that she has disclosed as a limit, but especially when it comes to soft limits, they do need to be pushed. When a submissive says some activity is a soft limit, she isn’t saying she absolutely won’t ever do the activity under any circumstances. She is saying not yet or that she needs for you to discuss it with her before she is asked to do it. Thus, soft limits are especially fertile ground for expanding her boundaries and helping her to grow. If her Dom never encourages her to push her limits, she won’t grow, at least efficiently and perhaps it may prevent her from every realizing her real potential. She can become too comfortable with the status quo and even become resistant to attempting what is necessary to grow.
What to do instead: It is important and proper to want you submissive to tell you what interests her and so you need to ask her that very early on but never be satisfied with her just giving you a lengthy list of all the things she wants done to her. If she is reluctant to even discuss trying things that she finds a little intimidating or scary that you need from a relationship then perhaps this lifestyle isn’t really for her. She needs to have a desire to grow and a willingness to do what is needed to experience it. But perhaps even more importantly you need to have the will to encourage her to try new things so she can grow.