【轉載＆翻譯】六種損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤 （第四條--不挑戰她的極限）

Original by: Jessica Cocker 翻譯：莉莉絲 

4.不挑戰她的極限–如果要選出一項我覺得作為一個S身負的最關鍵責任，我想那就是創造一個適合m養成服從性的環境。要在這樣的生活型態中成長，最佳的方式就是把她推向極限、拓展她的領域。特別是有許多初來乍到的新手女m，總是帶著一份長長的清單，羅列了許多她缺乏嘗試的興趣或著是單純不想試的大小限制。許多這些限制是由於缺乏理解、自信或經驗，對嘗試某些活動感覺恐懼。主奴關係因為是互相的，所以限制必須被尊重。一個m永遠都不該被強迫從事某項她已經表明為「限制」的活動，但是在一些可以被挑戰的限制上，m必須被施加壓力去面對。當一個m表明一些限制是軟性的限制時，她並不是說自己絕對不願意在任何情況下去嘗試這件事。她只是在說這件事還不應該發生，或著是在這件事發生前你應該先與她討論。因此重視這些軟性的限制其實更能幫助她成長和超越自己的界線。如果S永遠不鼓勵她超越她的限制，她就不會成長，或至少不會那麼有效的成長，甚至會阻礙她發現自己的潛能。她可能會變得太過安逸於現況，並且拒絕接觸那些能幫助她成長的事情。

你應該這麼做

告訴你自己的興趣當然是非常重要的，所以你必須及早問她，但絕不要滿足於她給你的那份冗長慾望清單。如果她連和你討論那些有一點令她不安或害怕嘗試的事情都不願意的話，或許她還沒有完全準備好接受這種生活型態。她必須有成長的渴望和願意嘗試與經驗那些最終能讓她成長的事物。不過或許更為重要的是，你必須有意願鼓勵她嘗試這些新事物。

4.  Don’t Push Her Limits – If I had to pick out the most critical responsibility that every Dom has toward a submissive, it would be to ensure that he creates an environment where she can grow in her submission.  Growth in the lifestyle is best affected by helping her to push her limits and expand her boundaries.  Especially with novice submissive women, quite often they come into the lifestyle with a veritable laundry list of limits both soft and hard, things she is either reluctant or simply unwilling to try.  Many of those limits are due to lack of understanding, lack of confidence, lack of experience, or feeling intimidated by the very thought of trying some activities.  Since D/s is always consensual, limits must always be respected.  A submissive should never be coerced or forced to participate in an activity that she has disclosed as a limit, but especially when it comes to soft limits, they do need to be pushed.  When a submissive says some activity is a soft limit, she isn’t saying she absolutely won’t ever do the activity under any circumstances.  She is saying not yet or that she needs for you to discuss it with her before she is asked to do it.  Thus, soft limits are especially fertile ground for expanding her boundaries and helping her to grow.  If her Dom never encourages her to push her limits, she won’t grow, at least efficiently and perhaps it may prevent her from every realizing her real potential.  She can become too comfortable with the status quo and even become resistant to attempting what is necessary to grow.

What to do instead:  It is important and proper to want you submissive to tell you what interests her and so you need to ask her that very early on but never be satisfied with her just giving you a lengthy list of all the things she wants done to her.  If she is reluctant to even discuss trying things that she finds a little intimidating or scary that you need from a relationship then perhaps this lifestyle isn’t really for her.  She needs to have a desire to grow and a willingness to do what is needed to experience it.  But perhaps even more importantly you need to have the will to encourage her to try new things so she can grow.

文章出處：6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

迫不及的人就先看看原文吧。