Everywhere we look it’s easy to find resources and material on all different aspects of BDSM relationships–and the play involved within and outside of them. But what about the daily life beyond the collar? Understanding the everyday things involved with being a submissive or slave can help the relationship to reach its potential, and is varied from dynamic to dynamic(no two will be the same, as we all know). That said, here’s a glimpse into life from the side we don’t talk about nearly as often.
It’s not all chains and orgasms. 這並不全是鐵鍊與高潮
我們太常沈浸在玩樂的快感裡忘記我們是擁有基本需求的人，我們仍需要在地窖以外生存。我們需要吃、需要笑、需要養育孩子，需要哭泣。對某些人來說，滿足來自於將服侍他們主人的餐點當作首要任務，然後等待著被允許吃自己的那份食物。對另外一些人來說，或許是負責維持居家整潔，被賦予清潔打掃的日常任務或工作。打從心底願意提供的服務，可以是非常多元的，也能夠是任何的形式，很多時候這些服務並不總是被拴在床邊睡覺或著是24小時裸身在家（當然這也沒有錯，如果這就是你想要的）。 Too often we get caught up the hype of play and forget that we are humans with basic needs and we have lives past the dungeon. We eat, we struggle, we laugh, we raise children and we cry. For some, fulfillment comes in serving their Dominant/Master their meals first and waiting to eat once they’ve been given permission to. For others, it may be maintaining a clean and tidy home and doing tasked chores or assignments. Service comes from the heart and can be shown in a number of ways, depending on the dynamic, and a lot of times it doesn’t involve sleeping chained to the bed or walking the house 24/7 in your birthday suit (not that there’s anything wrong with that if you do!)
No one is happy every moment, of every day. 沒有人能無時無刻都快樂
讓我們面對現實吧，如果認為支配者或是被支配者能無時無刻都對他們自己的生活完全滿意，是不合乎邏輯的。出乎意料的事或錯誤總是會發生，因為，我們也只是人類。即使你使盡全力討你主人開心，請認清，你自己的情緒與福利仍需被重視。因為忘記在主人下班回家前洗好衣服而長時間受到心理虐待，對你並不會有任何好處。相反地，你可以把注意力放在積極思考如何去做正向的改變，會遠比對著牆壁低潮沮喪來的有用。 Let’s face it; it’s illogical to think that either the s-type or D-type will be completely satisfied every second of their life. Stuff happens and mistakes are made – again, you are human. Though you may strive to make your Dominant/Master as happy as you can, be realistic in knowing your own emotions and well-being are important as well. Beating yourself up internally for weeks on end because you forgot to do the laundry before your Dominant got home from work won’t do you much good. Instead try to focus on how you can change that positively and improve, rather than mentally clambering your head against the wall in disappointment.
There’s more to serving than just service. 服務之外，還有更多
當聽到有人提到「奴役」這個字，我們總是自然浮現奴僅僅是跪在主人腳邊就滿足陶醉（你會這麼做的其中一個理由）的畫面。但服務應該有更深刻的意義，它應該代表你有責任照顧好自己，才能夠滿足主人的需求。你是健康快樂的嗎？生理與心理上都是嗎？服務主人讓你成為一個更好的人嗎？你還能追求自己的個人目標，如事業，或是學業上的進一步深造嗎？關注你自己和關心主人一樣，是非常重要的。花時間照顧好你自己，無論那是什麼方式，請記住你有權利被愛，感到安全，並且對自己誠實。還有什麼比保持快樂更好的辦法，反應主人對你的良好教養呢？ When someone says the word “servitude” it can automatically bring up images s-types kneeling at their D-type’s feet, enthralled in just being in their presence – one of the factors why you do it. But in serving there is a responsibility to take care of yourself to be able to meet their needs. Are you healthy and happy, mentally and physically? Does it make you a better person? Are you able to pursue your own personal goals, such as a career or furthering your education? Being aware of yourself is just as important as paying attention to your Dominant. Take the time to take care of you, however that may be, and remember you have the right to be loved, safe, and true to yourself too. What better way to be the reflection of your Dominant than by being happy?
Don’t forget the romance. 別忘了浪漫
當然，在一段主奴關係中展現愛與情感的方式，和別種感情關係可能不盡相同（所以我們才這麼被主奴關係所吸引）。但是維持關係的基本元素仍是互通的，像是記得稱讚對方、留下貼心的字條、在玩樂的時間以外花時間與對方相處，這些都是同等重要的。記住一段浪漫關係需要兩方共同的經營。尊重、信任與溝通都是維持一段長久關係的重要關鍵（當然這中間仍有許多好玩的空間）。無論你和你的主人，是在一段怎樣的關係裡，每個人都有愛與被愛的需求，而且情感的表達，絕不只侷限在以繩縛的形式出現。 Sure, showing love and affection in a D/s, M/s, and other types of relationships can be different; another trait that draws people to it. But don’t forget the simple things that keep the fire going – little notes, compliments, and taking time for the two of you is just as important as play time. Remember any romantic relationship takes work on both sides;respect, trust, and communication are the essential keys to making it last (though that leaves a lot of room for the fun stuff too!) No matter what kind of dynamic or relationship you may be in everyone has the need to love and be loved in return, and not just in a kinky rope shibari kind of way.