30 Apr 2015

【轉載&翻譯】六種損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤 (第三條--總是為他們找藉口)


3. 總是為他們找藉口 當一個m因為疏忽而非刻意犯錯時,S總以為自己也必須負擔部分責任。覺得m的疏失必然也是自己的疏失,我想這對於任何一個領導者來說都是蠻正常的想法 。「或許我沒有將我的期待與規則對她充分闡述清楚?還是我沒有提供她足夠的訓練呢?」我們總願意相信自己的m是百分之百的投入,跟我們一樣想要表現她最好的一面。這樣的想法讓我們習慣為m找藉口,甚至為了她的錯誤而責怪自己。我們都想要對自己的m有信心,但是對她的越舉睜一隻眼閉一隻眼或著是活在對自己的否定當中,都不是正確的方式。你應該要讓你的m理解,規矩不是由她訂的,即使不是故意犯錯,她都必須承擔該有的後果。



3.  Always Make Excuses for Them – When a submissive makes a mistake or breaks a rule perhaps not intentionally but out of negligence, it is always a temptation for a Dom to feel partly responsible.  I think is quite normal for a Dom like anyone in a leadership position of any kind to feel that he has failed too whenever a subordinate fails.  Perhaps I didn’t communicate the rule or expectation clearly enough or  I didn’t do an adequate job of training her.  We want to believe in our submissive and feel like she always gives one hundred-percent effort and does her best.  This can lead us to rationalize, to make excuses for her, perhaps to even blame ourselves and take upon ourselves the responsibility for her mistake or error.  While we all want to have confidence in our submissive girls, turning a blind eye to their transgressions or living in denial is not the answer.  You must make your submissive understand she is not above the rules and that even unintentional mistakes when due to negligence have repercussions.
What to do instead: If your submissive makes a mistake due to carelessness, negligence, or purposely disregards a rule or to meet an expectation, take the appropriate corrective action, impose discipline if it is warranted.  Do explain what she did wrong and make certain she understands why she is being disciplined so she doesn’t end up feeling you are being unfair or unreasonable.  If however, she makes an honest mistake, a situation where she was neither clearly carelessness or negligent, then perhaps instead of discipline just sitting her down and talking it out may adequately take care of the situation.  The goal is always to keep her from repeating the same mistakes over and over regardless of what the causative factors were. Oftentimes, just knowing she has disappointed you might reduce her to tears and it can seem that she has punished herself enough for a misdeed.  But as mentioned earlier in the discussion about corrective discipline, don’t hesitate to use it when a situation clearly calls for it.


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