Original by: Jessica Cocker 翻譯：莉莉絲
收一個m，是沒有隨附使用說明的，同樣的，也沒有人天生就是完美的S (支配者)。你可以閱讀許多關於SM生活型態的書籍，或著是和別的S討論，以及參加一些SM活動。但是你仍難逃心底那個絮絮叨叨的聲音，認為自己還是無法做的完全到位。
或許你已經有很多訓練或事後的安撫『該如何做』的教戰守則，但你是否暗自希望還有一份『千萬不要做哪些事』的教條呢？是否有時候覺得自己已經做到最好，卻還是不夠完美呢？一起來看看這六條，小則寵壞m，大則可能損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤吧。
1. 予取予求-- 無論你的m想要什麼，她總是能夠隨心所欲。
或許是她網路上發現的最新情趣玩具、或許是讓她略過一次她真的非常討厭執行的日常任務、或著是養成習慣給她所有她想要發生在自己身上的調教。給她所有她所要求的，就像是在養成一隻被寵壞的、放縱的、嬌生慣養的小鬼。她很快就會學到永遠可以利用情緒操控你，進而得到自己想要的一切。當然在一個D/s關係裡，S會愛上m是很常見的，這件事本身也沒有任何錯誤。我個人絕不會想要擁有一個不能給我任何理由愛上的女孩當m。你必須對抗的危機是，當你將彼此的關係視為平等的兩人間一種浪漫安排時，自己就會屈從於動態的權力交換了 。結果只會導向一個膚淺的、冷卻的主奴關係，最終無法再滿足任何一方。偶爾讓她的需求獲得滿足絕對沒有錯，獎賞她提供的好服務、有時候做些讓她開心的事。但是，一個m同時也需要隨時獲得提醒，讓她記得自己是誰、以及自己在這段關係中扮演的角色與地位。
你應該這麼做
把讓她擁有她垂涎的最新情趣玩具，或著放縱她享受一個她特別喜歡的床上活動，當作是她最近為你完成，值得你稱讚的事的獎勵。讓她覺得自己是以付出來贏得這項獎勵的。這麼做可以阻止她發展出掌握權力的感覺，並且灌輸她一個牢不可破的理解—她並不擁有你，而是你擁有她。這能幫助她發展她的服從性。
A
submissive doesn’t come with an instruction manual and there’s no such thing as
a perfect dominant. You can read every lifestyle book you can get your hands
on, talk to other Doms, and attend lifestyle workshops. Yet you can still
be left with a nagging feeling that you don’t always get it exactly right.
Perhaps you
know lots of the DOs when it comes to the training and care of a submissive but
have you ever wished you had a list of the DON’Ts? Even if you think you’re
doing your best, sometimes it might not be enough. Take a look at this list of
six sure-fire ways to spoil your submissive.
Six dominant mistakes that will spoil your submissive and can
ruin your relationship.
1. Give in – No matter what your submissive wants, she
gets it. Whether it’s that shiny new sex toy she found online or letting
her off the hook for that chore she just really hates or making it a habit to
give her all the things she wants done to her, giving her everything she asks
for is the breeding ground for a spoiled, indulged, and coddled brat who will
soon learn that she can always get her way by manipulating you with her
emotions. Especially in D/s relationships, it isn’t uncommon for a Dom to
fall in love with his submissive. There isn’t anything wrong with
that. Personally I wouldn’t wish to own a girl who didn’t give me reasons
to fall in love with her. But the danger you have to guard against is
subordinating the power exchange dynamic by treating your relationship more as
a romantic arrangement between equals . Doing so creates a lukewarm,
superficial dominant/submissive relationship that in the end won’t likely
satisfy either of you. There is nothing wrong with granting her requests
occasionally, rewarding her for good service, and doing those little things she
enjoys that make her feel happy from time to time. However, a submissive
also needs regular reminders of who and what her position and role in the
relationship is.
What to do instead: When
you agree to let her have that new sex toy she is coveting or to indulge her
desire for that special activity in the bedroom she really likes, link it to
something she has done recently to please you. In other words make it a
reward for good service and let her feel she has earned it. Doing that
will prevent her from developing a sense of entitlement and will instead cultivate
in her a firm understanding that she doesn’t own you, you own her. This
will help her grow in her submission.
迫不及的人就先看看原文吧。
