「或る宮廷と美食家たち」一鬼的DVD

「或る宮廷と美食家たち」by kinoko hajime

在東京SM Bar裡看到這張一鬼的DVD

很是喜歡

youtube上能找到這段簡介

相較於他較為知名的紅色繩縛風格

純白的潔淨與清新感

頗令人耳目一新！

一鬼的相關介紹＠縛生

一鬼。官網

我們。不寂寞

據調查，

BDSM的人口約為全體人口的5-10%

所以，一座人口2百萬的城市

就有100,000~200,000的人對SM有興趣

假設當中只有一半的人會上網搜尋SM的相關訊息

只有約1%的人願意與人互動

接觸SM的活動或團體

也有500~1,000人呢

所以我們也有了500~1,000次的可能

遇見彼此

SM任務懶人包

(photo from http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com)

什麼是SM任務？

主奴關係中，做為主人的一方，常常會出作業給奴，這個作業，不單單只是為了主人個人的歡愉，想看奴不敢抗命的做著本身或許非常討厭的事情，更多時候，任務的賦予，是為了讓奴能在任務的執行當中有所收穫與成長。那麼，任務該如何產生呢？如果從下面這些目的性來思考，主的一方就更能隨心所欲的指派適切的任務給奴了吧。

從教育與心靈成長面出發

• 閱讀清單
• 文化薰陶
• 培養創造力：像是寫故事或畫圖
• 上課學習新技能

培養對主人的服務技能

• 習慣養成
• 挑選購買主人喜歡的衣物穿著
• 執行會讓奴害羞主人喜歡觀看的任務

制約 / 訓練

• 練習（例如如何展示自己、如何擺出正確的姿勢...etc）
• 記得主人的偏好

吸收相關領域的知識

• 寫日記
• 觀看情色小說或漫畫– 例如要你的奴收集能使她horny的小說或漫畫，並且逐一告訴你是其中的什麼元素挑起她的情慾
• 填寫問卷 – 像是BDSM性向檢核表
• 論述 – 像是「試論300字「奴」這個字對你的意義」

讓他們保持忙碌 / 維持一定的紀律

• 指派差事
• 尋物遊戲

自我照顧

• 運動
• 控制飲食
• 打扮自己
• 休息/度假

看完這些原則，是不是更有靈感，準備出些作業，給你的奴了呢？

參考文章

http://asibdsm.com/bdsm-rules-tasks-assignments/

Beyond the Collar 在項圈之外

Posted by: Riley Translated by Lilith

我們不難在圈內或圈外找到描述SM 關係或遊戲的各種資訊和素材。但是項圈之外的日常生活，又是什麼樣子的呢？了解作為一個m方或著是奴隸多面向的日常生活（因為沒有人是完全相同的），對發展一段成熟的SM關係非常有幫助。就讓我們來看看不常被提及的，m的日常生活面向吧。

Everywhere we look it’s easy to find resources and material on all different aspects of BDSM relationships–and the play involved within and outside of them.  But what about the daily life beyond the collar?  Understanding the everyday things involved with being a submissive or slave can help the relationship to reach its potential, and is varied from dynamic to dynamic(no two will be the same, as we all know).  That said, here’s a glimpse into life from the side we don’t talk about nearly as often.

It’s not all chains and orgasms.
這並不全是鐵鍊與高潮

我們太常沈浸在玩樂的快感裡忘記我們是擁有基本需求的人，我們仍需要在地窖以外生存。我們需要吃、需要笑、需要養育孩子，需要哭泣。對某些人來說，滿足來自於將服侍他們主人的餐點當作首要任務，然後等待著被允許吃自己的那份食物。對另外一些人來說，或許是負責維持居家整潔，被賦予清潔打掃的日常任務或工作。打從心底願意提供的服務，可以是非常多元的，也能夠是任何的形式，很多時候這些服務並不總是被拴在床邊睡覺或著是24小時裸身在家（當然這也沒有錯，如果這就是你想要的）。
Too often we get caught up the hype of play and forget that we are humans with basic needs and we have lives past the dungeon.  We eat, we struggle, we laugh, we raise children and we cry.  For some, fulfillment comes in serving their Dominant/Master their meals first and waiting to eat once they’ve been given permission to.  For others, it may be maintaining a clean and tidy home and doing tasked chores or assignments.  Service comes from the heart and can be shown in a number of ways, depending on the dynamic, and a lot of times it doesn’t involve sleeping chained to the bed or walking the house 24/7 in your birthday suit (not that there’s anything wrong with that if you do!)

No one is happy every moment, of every day.
沒有人能無時無刻都快樂

讓我們面對現實吧，如果認為支配者或是被支配者能無時無刻都對他們自己的生活完全滿意，是不合乎邏輯的。出乎意料的事或錯誤總是會發生，因為，我們也只是人類。即使你使盡全力討你主人開心，請認清，你自己的情緒與福利仍需被重視。因為忘記在主人下班回家前洗好衣服而長時間受到心理虐待，對你並不會有任何好處。相反地，你可以把注意力放在積極思考如何去做正向的改變，會遠比對著牆壁低潮沮喪來的有用。
Let’s face it; it’s illogical to think that either the s-type or D-type will be completely satisfied every second of their life.  Stuff happens and mistakes are made – again, you are human.  Though you may strive to make your Dominant/Master as happy as you can, be realistic in knowing your own emotions and well-being are important as well.  Beating yourself up internally for weeks on end because you forgot to do the laundry before your Dominant got home from work won’t do you much good.  Instead try to focus on how you can change that positively and improve, rather than mentally clambering your head against the wall in disappointment.

There’s more to serving than just service.
服務之外，還有更多

當聽到有人提到「奴役」這個字，我們總是自然浮現奴僅僅是跪在主人腳邊就滿足陶醉（你會這麼做的其中一個理由）的畫面。但服務應該有更深刻的意義，它應該代表你有責任照顧好自己，才能夠滿足主人的需求。你是健康快樂的嗎？生理與心理上都是嗎？服務主人讓你成為一個更好的人嗎？你還能追求自己的個人目標，如事業，或是學業上的進一步深造嗎？關注你自己和關心主人一樣，是非常重要的。花時間照顧好你自己，無論那是什麼方式，請記住你有權利被愛，感到安全，並且對自己誠實。還有什麼比保持快樂更好的辦法，反應主人對你的良好教養呢？
When someone says the word “servitude” it can automatically bring up images s-types kneeling at their D-type’s feet, enthralled in just being in their presence – one of the factors why you do it.  But in serving there is a responsibility to take care of yourself to be able to meet their needs.  Are you healthy and happy, mentally and physically? Does it make you a better person? Are you able to pursue your own personal goals, such as a career or furthering your education?   Being aware of yourself is just as important as paying attention to your Dominant.  Take the time to take care of you, however that may be, and remember you have the right to be loved, safe, and true to yourself too.  What better way to be the reflection of your Dominant than by being happy?

Don’t forget the romance.
別忘了浪漫

當然，在一段主奴關係中展現愛與情感的方式，和別種感情關係可能不盡相同（所以我們才這麼被主奴關係所吸引）。但是維持關係的基本元素仍是互通的，像是記得稱讚對方、留下貼心的字條、在玩樂的時間以外花時間與對方相處，這些都是同等重要的。記住一段浪漫關係需要兩方共同的經營。尊重、信任與溝通都是維持一段長久關係的重要關鍵（當然這中間仍有許多好玩的空間）。無論你和你的主人，是在一段怎樣的關係裡，每個人都有愛與被愛的需求，而且情感的表達，絕不只侷限在以繩縛的形式出現。
Sure, showing love and affection in a D/s, M/s, and other types of relationships can be different; another trait that draws people to it. But don’t forget the simple things that keep the fire going – little notes, compliments, and taking time for the two of you is just as important as play time.  Remember any romantic relationship takes work on both sides;respect, trust, and communication are the essential keys to making it last (though that leaves a lot of room for the fun stuff too!)  No matter what kind of dynamic or relationship you may be in everyone has the need to love and be loved in return, and not just in a kinky rope shibari kind of way.

文章出處：http://asibdsm.com/beyond-the-collar/

【轉載＆翻譯】六種損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤 （第六條--不夠投入）

Original by: Jessica Cocker 翻譯：莉莉絲 

6.不夠投入 

在非必要的時候選擇超時工作而非準時回家晚餐、在m沒有做錯事時急躁的對待她，或著很顯然地忽視她，這些都是不夠投入的例子。一個m需要感覺到自己的價值。她需要被保證她是令她的S愉悅且有用的。她需要在不變的管教下藉由取悅與服侍主人，來表達自己的順從天性。而這麼做的她，該贏得值得你注意、尊重與投入情感的權力。被忽視的話，一個m就無法感覺到安全與被保護，她可能會因此變得不滿足、不快樂，甚至憂鬱起來。

你應該這麼做 

即使你有無數的工作或其他雜務等待你完成，絕不要忽視你的m或著是這段關係。切割出固定給她的時間，一起看部電影或是允許她陶醉地謙卑地待在你的腳下。允許她性感地取悅你。她需要你的投入。她需要你教導她什麼是她該做的，以及她該如何做到你的期待。更重要的是，她需要你不忘記提醒她，自己的真實角色—你的寶貴持有物。

6.  Not Being Engaged – Choosing to make a habit of working late when you don’t have to over getting home regularly in time for dinner, being irritable or short with her when she has done nothing wrong, or just plain ignoring your submissive are all examples of not being fully engaged.  A submissive woman needs to feel valued.  She needs reassurance that she is pleasing and useful.  She needs a consistent conduit through which she can express her submissive nature by obediently serving and pleasing her Dom.  Her gift of submission earns her the right to feel you consider her worthy of your attention, respect, and affection.  A submissive can’t feel centered, safe, and protected if neglected.  She is likely to become dissatisfied, unhappy, and even depressed.

What to do instead: Even if you’ve got a packed work schedule or other matters that require your attention, don’t neglect your submissive or the relationship.  Aim to schedule regular blocks of time dedicated to her.  Watch a movie together and allow her to revel in occupying her humble place at your feet.  Allow her to pleasure you sexually.  She needs your engagement.  She needs you to teach her what she must do, how she must behave, and most importantly she needs you to remind her who and what she really is, your valued possession.

文章出處：6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

【轉載＆翻譯】六種損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤 （第五條--建立壞榜樣）

Original by: Jessica Cocker 翻譯：莉莉絲

5. 建立壞榜樣

有些時候m可能覺得一點都沒有順從的意願，同樣的，有些時候S也不想要擔任支配者的角色。這是人性，但是身為一個領導者，帶領著這樣一段主奴關係，你必須負起自己的責任，提供監察、引導、訓練，即便這週的工作如此緊張忙碌、或著是生活中有其他事情正在發生使你倍感疲倦。就如同你對於你的m有著期待與需求，你的m也對你有著期待與需求。像是你應該總是積極引領。如果辜負了你對她的責任，就是為這段關係設下了壞榜樣。如果你無法一貫性的負起你的責任，如果你不能做到許下的承諾，如果你為自己找藉口，如果你只是光說一口S的話語卻不練，你的行為將表現出你是怎樣的人。如果你以為你的m不會注意到，那你就錯了，如果她時常感到你不嚴肅看待自己的責任，那麼她終將也會模仿你的行為。

你應該這麼做

在你的m面前立下一個好榜樣，不要讓其他的事暫停你身為她S的責任，給予這段關係所值得的，一貫的注意力。

5. Set a Bad Example – Some days a submissive may not feel all that submissive and likewise some days a Dom doesn’t feel like exercising dominance.  That is just human nature but as the leader, the guiding force in the relationship, a Dom just can’t ignore his responsibility to provide guidance, supervision, and training just because it has been a hectic week at the office or he has a lot of other things on his plate and feels tired.  Just as you have expectations of your submissive like following rules and meeting needs you have, she has needs to be met and expectations of you as well.  You should always strive to lead by example.  Not living up to your responsibilities to her and the relationship sets a bad example.  If you don’t fulfill your responsibilities on a consistent basis, if you don’t keep your word, if you make excuses, if you talk the dominant talk but don’t walk the walk, your actions will speak louder than words.  You’re wrong if you think your submissive isn’t paying attention.  If she senses you don’t take your responsibilities seriously she is likely to mimic your behavior if exposed to it frequently.

What to do instead: Resolve to be a model example in front of your submissive.  Don’t let competing interests prevent you from addressing the needs of your submissive and from giving the relationship the consistent attention it deserves.

文章出處：6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

迫不及的人就先看看原文吧。

【轉載＆翻譯】六種損毀主奴關係的S常犯錯誤 （第四條--不挑戰她的極限）

Original by: Jessica Cocker 翻譯：莉莉絲 

4.不挑戰她的極限–如果要選出一項我覺得作為一個S身負的最關鍵責任，我想那就是創造一個適合m養成服從性的環境。要在這樣的生活型態中成長，最佳的方式就是把她推向極限、拓展她的領域。特別是有許多初來乍到的新手女m，總是帶著一份長長的清單，羅列了許多她缺乏嘗試的興趣或著是單純不想試的大小限制。許多這些限制是由於缺乏理解、自信或經驗，對嘗試某些活動感覺恐懼。主奴關係因為是互相的，所以限制必須被尊重。一個m永遠都不該被強迫從事某項她已經表明為「限制」的活動，但是在一些可以被挑戰的限制上，m必須被施加壓力去面對。當一個m表明一些限制是軟性的限制時，她並不是說自己絕對不願意在任何情況下去嘗試這件事。她只是在說這件事還不應該發生，或著是在這件事發生前你應該先與她討論。因此重視這些軟性的限制其實更能幫助她成長和超越自己的界線。如果S永遠不鼓勵她超越她的限制，她就不會成長，或至少不會那麼有效的成長，甚至會阻礙她發現自己的潛能。她可能會變得太過安逸於現況，並且拒絕接觸那些能幫助她成長的事情。

你應該這麼做

告訴你自己的興趣當然是非常重要的，所以你必須及早問她，但絕不要滿足於她給你的那份冗長慾望清單。如果她連和你討論那些有一點令她不安或害怕嘗試的事情都不願意的話，或許她還沒有完全準備好接受這種生活型態。她必須有成長的渴望和願意嘗試與經驗那些最終能讓她成長的事物。不過或許更為重要的是，你必須有意願鼓勵她嘗試這些新事物。

4.  Don’t Push Her Limits – If I had to pick out the most critical responsibility that every Dom has toward a submissive, it would be to ensure that he creates an environment where she can grow in her submission.  Growth in the lifestyle is best affected by helping her to push her limits and expand her boundaries.  Especially with novice submissive women, quite often they come into the lifestyle with a veritable laundry list of limits both soft and hard, things she is either reluctant or simply unwilling to try.  Many of those limits are due to lack of understanding, lack of confidence, lack of experience, or feeling intimidated by the very thought of trying some activities.  Since D/s is always consensual, limits must always be respected.  A submissive should never be coerced or forced to participate in an activity that she has disclosed as a limit, but especially when it comes to soft limits, they do need to be pushed.  When a submissive says some activity is a soft limit, she isn’t saying she absolutely won’t ever do the activity under any circumstances.  She is saying not yet or that she needs for you to discuss it with her before she is asked to do it.  Thus, soft limits are especially fertile ground for expanding her boundaries and helping her to grow.  If her Dom never encourages her to push her limits, she won’t grow, at least efficiently and perhaps it may prevent her from every realizing her real potential.  She can become too comfortable with the status quo and even become resistant to attempting what is necessary to grow.

What to do instead:  It is important and proper to want you submissive to tell you what interests her and so you need to ask her that very early on but never be satisfied with her just giving you a lengthy list of all the things she wants done to her.  If she is reluctant to even discuss trying things that she finds a little intimidating or scary that you need from a relationship then perhaps this lifestyle isn’t really for her.  She needs to have a desire to grow and a willingness to do what is needed to experience it.  But perhaps even more importantly you need to have the will to encourage her to try new things so she can grow.

文章出處：6 Ways to Ruin Your Submissive

迫不及的人就先看看原文吧。